I'LL BE BACK.

Last night, I was sitting in my apartment after final dress rehearsal for One Dancing (<<shameless self-promotion) with a cup o’ tea and a book, and in mid-sentence I stopped in my tracks and stared at a point on my wall for a solid two minutes.

Earlier in the day I was taking breaks at work to empty my soul-writhing-frustration by writing stream-of-consciousness-rants in between hours of data entry while staring out at a steely-gray-icy-rainy-day and daydreaming about being in sunny Los Angeles doing nothing but acting and training for the next three years.  I yearned for August 27^th and the sunshine and University of Southern California.

But then that night, staring dumbfounded at my wall in my cozy apartment, I had the overwhelming realization that I am moving away from Portland in a few months, and I don’t know when I’ll be back.  And it kind of broke my heart.  I fucking love this city.  I love the people, I love the culture, I love the mindset, I love the consciousness, I love the connection with the countryside and the earth and the food and the outdoors, I love the beer, I love the coffee, I love the forward thinking.  For all its little quirks and the little ways that Portland nurtures its residents throughout the 9 months/year of rain, For all of the countercultures and counter-countercultures and small ways that Portland resists the tide of American foibles, For all its hypocrisies and contradictions and passions and hipsterdoms.  I fucking love this city. 

Don't get me wrong, I am STOKED to start grad school and I've known in my gut for a long time that I've got to go get more acting training, go to a different city, yada yada yada.  I am also head over heels in love with the program I'm about to start at USC.  But I've spent the last 5 years of my life here and I only get a few more months of Portland lovin'!!

So after the initial panic I started making a list of things I’ve gotta do before I leave.  Here are a few:

·         See all my Portland homies

·         Ride my bike more

·         Read all the books on my bookshelf and then buy more at Powell’s

·         Enjoy the forests/trees/Forest Park/The Gorge

·         See lots of Portland art

And now, dear friends, I open it up to you!  What are some quintessential Portland things I MUST do before leaving this city?? (Besides you know, the obvious things that all of your out-of-town friends make you do when they first come here.)

Oh.  And mark my words.  I’LL BE BACK.**

**Bonus points if you heard Schwarzenegger’s voice in your head when you read that. Extra bonus points if you saw a little video of his voice coming out of my mouth. 

Controversial things. From 2005.

Aight.  So I haven’t gotten political in a while…and I’m feeling the urge.  I recently watched “Why We Fight,” a documentary which won the Grand Jury Prize at the Sundance Film Festival in 2005.   It somehow was gifted into my small DVD collection like four moves ago when it was abandoned by a former housemate, and after surviving so many moves I finally decided to watch it. It's kind of out of date now, but actually not really. 

The film was inspired by President Eisenhower’s farewell address in 1961.  Featuring commentary by John McCain, Gore Vidal, Richard Perle, and some seriously high-up former Pentagon and CIA officials, it examines the relationship between the primary forces that move the American (and consequently world) economy and the forces which influence us to go to war.  It is with surprising frankness that people like McCain admit that Eisenhower’s 1961 warning about a military-industrial complex growing to run the economy and the government has come alarming true.  Read as >> A small class of movers and shakers run an economy and government based on oil and war, the ultimate recipe for limitless consumption and therefore limitless profit.  Genius.  

My favorite moment of the film is a Cheney moment.  So Cheney has inextricable and complex ties to Halliburton, right? He used to run the company but claims that when he became VP he cut all ties and never spoke, dreamt, or thought of it again.  And Halliburton is an “oilfield services” company that dabbles in arms and all kinds of lucrative wartime industries.  So my favorite moment is when John McCain says point blank that if there is evidence that Cheney acted inappropriately in the whole Halliburton mess, there ought to be a full scale public investigation.  Immediately after he says this, his office phone rings and there is a bit of confusion as his assistant comes in, interrupting the documentary interview, to say that Vice President Cheney is on the phone.  OH SNAP! Cheney has a sixth sense for when he’s getting exposed… Ewww grrrooooossssss.  

Anyway, here is an example of some of the history that the film talks about, as retold by myself with no Wikipedia cheating and plenty of personal commentary along the way.  So enjoy the unerring exactness of my knowledge, and go rent the movie. It’s only like 90 minutes. 

In 1953 the Prime Minister of Iran gets pissed that Great Britain is ripping him off on oil.  Great Britain comes to the US with this annoying problem, so Prez Eisenhower declares Prime Minister Mosadegh a Communist (woo Cold War!) and sets the CIA to overthrowing him.   After Mosadegh is gone, this douchebag Shah takes over and creates an awful oppressive regime which Iran tries within 20 years to overthrow cause it sucks so much.  The leader of the Iranian revolution, Ayatollah Khomeini**, absolutely HATES the United States, and is pretty vocal about this, saying some pretty violent things.  I mean, he might be pissed because it was our involvement that put the douchebag Shah in charge, just sayin’.  Anyway, the US then props up Saddam Hussein over in Iraq, who begins a war with Iran, and eventually we need to directly supply him with weapons so that he’ll win.  Yay Iraq! Good job Saddam!  But then in 1990 Saddam invades Kuwait, which freaks us out because now it looks like he might invade Saudi Arabia.  And Saudi Arabia is where there is the #1 most oil in all of the world.  We then send troops to Saudi Arabia to defend it against Iraq, which incidentally ends up pissing off a guy named Osama bin Laden.  Okay so now it is the early 2000s and we get worried about losing Iraq too (which has the #2 most oil in the world, incidentally), since we are now fighting Iraq in Saudi Arabia  so the government starts to prep the American public to get behind an overthrow of Saddam Hussein.  Ultimately, we end up fabricating the war in Iraq as retaliation to 9/11, dropping bombs on people who had nothing to do with that awful attack.  In the process we create a blanket “War on Terror” which acts as a convenient  license to drop bombs on anyone whom we can claim doesn’t like us, or who doesn’t have our best interest in mind.  Which at this point is like, a lot of people. 

Ah, the tangled webs we weave. 

**I totally Wikipedia-cheated to figure out how to spell his name.  Sorry ‘bout it. 

Hipster Mordor

Last night, as I walked the two blocks from a warehouse/rehearsal/performance space which used to be the artisan lightbulb factory from that episode of Portlandia to my studio apartment conveniently located directly above a dive bar, a shwanky hipster bar, and a bar/coffee shop, something occurred to me.

I HAVE REACHED THE HEART, THE PEAK, THE BLACK HOLE, OF HIPSTERDOM.

NooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGHHHHHHHHH

Sweet God.  Insidiously, bit by bit, thrift store by thrift store, food cart by food cart, unpaid artistic project by project, I have reached the center of the tornado. 

I don't know how to take this.  If Portlandia were to follow me for a week they'd have enough ammo to roast Portland hipsterdom like a Fourth of July barbecue.  They'd be guaranteed ten more seasons of hipster satire.  For God's sake I'm a vegetarian actor who treats the coffeeshop/bar as my living room.  There, I have job hunted, watched Conan the Barbarian, debated politics, gotten drunk, talked for hours about art, and manicly paced and smoked cigarettes outside the front door.  And I'm blogging about it!!  NOOOOOOO!!!!

The worst part of all is the ultimate giveaway that I am in fact a hipster:  

I refuse to admit that I'm a hipster.

What have I become???  

Maybe by admitting that I have a problem I'm taking the first step towards recovery.  No more locally owned restaurants that cater to vegans and "locavores," no more apartments furnished by Ikea and thrift stores, no more scanning craigslist for temp gigs at farmer's markets, no more french press coffee, no more PBR and Kraft mac n' cheese.

...But I like all those things.  Oh well.  At least I'm out of the closet now.   Anyone wanna find a happy hour where we drink out of mason jars?

Surfing USA

For the past few weeks I have felt like I'm on a free fall through turbulence.

A month ago, as Liz and I sludged through rusty water, giggling at Moe as she splashed in doggy joy through the indoor lakes, we got to talking about moving.  There was the first move we shared together (also with Moe) when the Uhaul broke down in the middle of the intersection and I had to maneuver a powerless truck out of the road.  There was the move that involved a month or two of covertly crashing on a friend's couch and smuggling the dog.  Then we started counting and realized that for me, I've moved every 2-4 months since I graduated from college.

I pondered my gypsy-esque lifestyle, and now that I am somewhat nestled in to a new place a month later, I'm realizing that I've been sucked into a time-lapse of the last nine months, and the end to my migrant habits is pretty far off.  That is to say, the speed of my moving has increased.  I stayed in NYC for two weeks, plopped down in Portland for three days, stayed in Colorado for one week, went to Seattle for a day, now I'm in Portland for three days, LA for four days, Portland for three days, LA again for three days, and then theoretically back in Portland for 2-4 months. And then God only knows where I'll be.  Anywhere from sea to shining sea in this country, with a vague possibility of being gone altogether from this continent. 

I guess this makes sense given the fact that you create your own reality and this lifestyle kind of mimics the way my brain works--jumping around with little long-term planning.  But damn. I have reached the point where it is wearying.  Long story short, today I wanted to blog about maintaining calm in the middle of the storm.  Or...having a sense of home no matter what.  Not that I am particularly great at it, by any means.
But here are some love-nuggets for you to savor:

Music.  

An instantaneous way to ground your mood in whatever way you need.

Network.  

When traveling is less like traveling and more like friend-hopping it is way more fun and definitely helps you stay centered.  

Alcohol.  

In the words of Eleanor: "Sorry 'bout it."  It's guaranteed to relax you and put you right at home. 

Exercise.  

Okay this may seem contrary to the last one, and I also have to admit I'm not great at it.  Weirdly, this is more difficult to procure than alcohol when you're on the road, but I think it helps move traveling energy through your body.  Hippie moment!  Also, it's good for you.

Art.  

Duhhh. There really is only one way to digest and make sense of the human experience, especially when you are experiencing a great deal of change.  Creating/absorbing art.  That's what I think.

On to the next one

Hey!  In all of the madness of my sudden move and trip to New York, I did not officially announce:  I AM AN OFFICE MONKEY NO MORE!!  My temp position with Banfield was completed right before I left for New York, so I bid a fond farewell to my new Banfield friends and an enthusiastic farewell to six months of Human Resources cubicle living.  No more data entry, no more OSHA logs, no more 8-5, no more slow waltz towards insanity.  And no more peanut butter M&M theft. 

And now, I can say that I have completed round one of grad school auditions!  After two weeks of monologues and 16-bar songs I have seven schools up in the air, I am still homeless and jobless, I am still on the road, and there is more ahead.  In that spirit, please enjoy this song, as it has been my JAM for the past few days.  On to the next one.