Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Hipster Mordor

Last night, as I walked the two blocks from a warehouse/rehearsal/performance space which used to be the artisan lightbulb factory from that episode of Portlandia to my studio apartment conveniently located directly above a dive bar, a shwanky hipster bar, and a bar/coffee shop, something occurred to me.

I HAVE REACHED THE HEART, THE PEAK, THE BLACK HOLE, OF HIPSTERDOM.

NooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGHHHHHHHHH

Sweet God.  Insidiously, bit by bit, thrift store by thrift store, food cart by food cart, unpaid artistic project by project, I have reached the center of the tornado. 

I don't know how to take this.  If Portlandia were to follow me for a week they'd have enough ammo to roast Portland hipsterdom like a Fourth of July barbecue.  They'd be guaranteed ten more seasons of hipster satire.  For God's sake I'm a vegetarian actor who treats the coffeeshop/bar as my living room.  There, I have job hunted, watched Conan the Barbarian, debated politics, gotten drunk, talked for hours about art, and manicly paced and smoked cigarettes outside the front door.  And I'm blogging about it!!  NOOOOOOO!!!!

The worst part of all is the ultimate giveaway that I am in fact a hipster:  
I refuse to admit that I'm a hipster.

What have I become???  

Maybe by admitting that I have a problem I'm taking the first step towards recovery.  No more locally owned restaurants that cater to vegans and "locavores," no more apartments furnished by Ikea and thrift stores, no more scanning craigslist for temp gigs at farmer's markets, no more french press coffee, no more PBR and Kraft mac n' cheese.

...But I like all those things.  Oh well.  At least I'm out of the closet now.   Anyone wanna find a happy hour where we drink out of mason jars?




1 comment:

  1. Love the blog! I wouldn't be too worried about it, if you like all those things, enjoy them! I'm jealous of the freedom you have to enjoy the things you like, vs. my usual 16 hour work day I just got home from. I would argue that you are probably much happier even in your hipsterdom than most of America is in their boring routine. Miss you!

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