People who get bitten by pets

Before I get into this, may I remind you that I file worker's comp claims for the largest Pet Hospital in the country.  That is, my job is to help my company to compensate people who get hurt on the job. "Who gets hurt at a pet hospital?" you may ask.  Well...
 

Practically every little kid goes through a time when they think that being a Vet would be the coolest job ever.  Little boys and girls all across America dream of hanging out with kitties and puppies all day long, saving all of the sick pets in world.  A few of these kids actually grow up to be Vets, and some of them become Veterinary Assistants or Pet Nurses, fulfilling their childhood dreams.  While this is a thing of beauty, I see a few problems from where I’m sitting…

1. That sick cat has no idea what a doctor is and your office smells like dogs.
2. That sick rottweiler does not understand what a thermometer is and doesn’t like where you’re putting it.
3. Animals on drugs are even less in control of themselves than humans on drugs.
4. No pet understands what a vaccine is, and even humans hate needles.
5. After a couple of visits, they’re onto you. They know what this place is and what you might do to them. 

Consequently, this profession has some built-in risks.  All of those factors aggravate animals and can make even the nicest pets unable to resist the urge to retaliate.  Vet offices are stressful!  And cats and dogs have pointy teeth!

 However, pet doctors have been around for a while so they have some ways of keeping sick pets as comfortable and non-violent as possible.  Which brings up a second point—who are the people who get bitten?  When is it that an animal senses that something vet-like is up?  On that note, I thought I’d share a few illuminating stories. Please note, IA stands for Injured Associate and is corporate jargon for employee-who-was-assaulted-by-an-animal. 

1. A pitbull is in a cage in the break room, for some reason.  IA sticks her finger into the cage and makes some “dog sounds” at the dog.  That is, at the pitbull.  The finger gets bitten. Pitbull did not dig that.
2. An IA begins to approach a rottweiler with the dreaded thermometer in hand, places their free hand on the back of the dog, and gets their hand chomped to oblivion.  My thoughts: Just don’t try to sodomize a rottweiler. Not going to end well.
3. IA reports that he had a kitten walk up his left arm, resulting in a bunch of scratch wounds.  The tone of the report was that this poor guy was squirming in pain but torn because of the adorable-ness of the kitten and his delight at having a kitten on him.
4. Often, someone will get bitten twice in the same day by two different pets.  Those who are bite-able will be bitten again.  Once you have the mark on you, you're toast.
5. Almost every claim begins with “IA was restraining a pet…” I mean, would you want to be physically restrained during a mystery procedure from a strange human?  I’d probably bite a few people if it were me.